Pound Sand You Hackers and Other Funny Shit

Sand puns very punny

What do you call a witch that lives in the sand?

I don't know but I'm getting hungry.

at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...

she immediately responded, "50 cent"

it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!

*Angry Bird Noises*

The water asked the sand if it could touch it ?

The sand said, "Shore."

Why is the sand wet?

Because the sea weed

What do you call someone who dosemagic with sand?

A sandwitch

sand witch

A man was walking down the beach when he saw someone lying on the sand with a banana shoved in the ear.

Intrigued, the man decided to warn the person and said "hey, you have a banana shoved in your ear".

The person replied "what?"

> "You have a banana shoved in your ear!"

> "WHAT??"

> "YOU HAVE A BANANA SHOVED IN YOUR EAR!!"

> "SIR PLEASE SPEAK LOUDER I CAN'T HEAR YOU 'CAUSE I HAVE A BANANA SHOVED IN MY EAR!.

Why are camels sand colored?

camelflage

Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

What did the sleep deprived fremen say to the noisy sand worms?

Stop making a rakis.

Did you under sand?

What does a blind person say when you give them sand paper?

"That's a small font."

I told my dad I didn't find any sand dollars in the ocean.

He said it was because we weren't anywhere near the bank.

Is Sand Hot?

Of Coarse It Is!

And she calls it "This Land"

Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.

Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.

Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.

Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...

Take my glove

Take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care

I'm still three

You can't take this Skye from me

What do you call it when a grain of sand loses its trane of thought?

A grain-fart.

Had a yen to be creative this weekend...

so I crafted a large numeral in the back garden. I chopped, sawed, planed, sanded, and painted that number till it looked amazing. My neighbour looked over the fence and enviously stated "Nice one!"

Beach

When the moon hits the sand and an eel bites your hand

that's a moray.

A geology/geography/aerodynamics study that a sandstorm in Africa can blow sand and dust as far as to even Florida

So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa

Made my friend draw me a ham sand witch!

https://preview.redd.it/spig22o65o651.png?width=830&format=png&auto=webp&s=58d660e5243952036705bbb43d4c37ceec0bb61f

I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didn't draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously

.....and that's when I drew the line.

What happened to the sand just before it became a castle?

It got in pailed.

What did the dog said after it walked over sand paper

Rough Rough

What did Aang tell the sand benders after they muzzled his flying bison?

You better Appa-logize right now or else!

What did the ocean say before it fought the sand?

You are such a beach.

A Magical Chicken Visited the Beach

Transforming itself into a Chicken Sand Witch

A biologist, a physicist and a chemist visit the beach...

The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.

The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.

The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."

I started a company making airplane windows out of raw sand

Investors couldn't see the business taking off

While at the beach, my wife asked me how we can get a sand dollar.

I told her, "all you need to do is break a sand 5."

Why was the Tatooine IRS always going after the sand people?

Because they single file to hide their numbers.

Why won't you starve in a desert?

Because of all the 'sand which is' there

What did the sand say to the gravel when asked "How are you?"

I am fine.

A dyslexic goes to a nude beach

And is disappointed to only see large piles of sand.

My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.

She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.

What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

malnourished

Sand is a combination of the words sea and land, as it is where they meet. You could say it is their ship name.

Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants

Q: Why don't people starve in the desert?

A: Because you can eat the sand which is there.

I'd make a joke about quick sand but..

It would take a while to sink in.

In most countries, it's common to see Dads mostly buried in the sand of beaches

Except in Mexico. There, they only burritos.

I'm heartbroken that I lost a bucket of sand, silt, and gravel.

It was of great sedimentary value.

Why do they call it kinetic sand

Because it lacks potential

My son asked me for something hard to write on

I don't know why he got so mad, sand is pretty hard to write on

What did the dog say when he walked on sand paper?

Rough! Rough! Rough!

What do you call a witch who eats only sand?

Malnourished.

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Source: https://punstoppable.com/sanding-puns

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